Trampoline that only double bounces

I’m selling a trampoline that only double bounces. You heard me right.

It also works if you’re the only person on it, you’ll just bounce really high and awkwardly each time, maybe fall off and break a leg. If there’s two people on it, you’ll both do it, with a much higher chance of falling off and breaking your legs.

Obviously with the military applications of such a device I can’t say where I got it and I can’t accept money.

The price is 12 virgin souls. If you’re interested and can prove you’re not an undercover/deep-cover military agent/psuedo-agent/alien spy, I will give you the trampoline.

If you can pay another 12 virgin souls, I’ll tell you my source.

My contact number is [EXPUNGED]. Call me ONLY if you’re interested. NO REFUNDS, SOULS CONSUMED IMMEDIATELY ON PAYMENT. NO QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I USE THE SOULS FOR.