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January 2019

[CHEAP] Rectified 5-Orthoplex Couch

Selling a rectified 5-orthoplex couch, exists in five dimensions. Inherited it from my aunt who got busted for selling metaphysical experiences in R2722. Fits three fifth dimensional beings, four fourth dimensional beings, and causes spontaneous annihilation in three dimensional beings.

Made of fine oxbeetle fur, prime quality. Slight damage on the second hyperplane from trying to fit it through a three dimensional doorway, but it’ll buff out. Recently had it cleaned.

This is not an orthopedic couch, do not complain if you buy it and find out it won’t massage your feet. I do NOT accept virgin souls, goat sacrifice, or the milk of a freshly born ewe.

I will only take antiquark quantities. You must provide the means of moving it to your reality.

[Relayed message from R2722 by UNTOLD]

Filled under: esoteric furniture By: Fhinsikael Fexton Tags: , , ,
Posted on: January 18, 2019 Comments are disabled!

There is a Hunger.

The Hunger grows ever stronger, biting, gnawing at him.

What construct of flesh and bone can satiate it?

Only the Naergloan.

He offers only this exchange: A memory of a picnic and the life-debt of the Dog-Child in return for the Naergloan, or best offer.

[Relayed Message From R4920 by The Evergrowing Hunger]

Filled under: help needed By: Fhinsikael Fexton Tags: , , ,
Posted on: January 17, 2019 Comments are disabled!

SEEKING!!! Recipe Book of Forgotten Eternities

Hi y’all,

Looking for a recipe book that instructs on how to create universes from scratch. I’ve only found programming examples (NOT what I’m asking for, I’m not good with computers) or theological prayer books. BUT I will pay a good price because I want to get this done A S A P please!

There’s been some promising blogs I’ve looked at but they always talk too much about their husband’s experience with power tools before they get to the actual recipe — so that’s a no go.

Again, HIGH PRICE! Specifically, my firstborn.

Contact me by building a smoke signal at the highest point on your world. I’ll find you and we’ll work something out. Thx

  • God [R1001]
Filled under: ancient artifacts, classified info, for sale, mysterious books By: Fhinsikael Fexton Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted on: January 16, 2019 Comments are disabled!

SEARCHING FOR EXPERIENCED HUNTER

In search of an experienced hunter.

Hello! My name is DESIGNATED ASSOCIATE TZ-T2-12B. I’m an aspiring monster hunter, which was the trade of my father, and my father’s father, all until they were horrifically maimed! I hope to follow in their footsteps, but I don’t know where to start. So, I’d like to apprentice with an experienced hunter that can, ya know? Show me the ropes, and all that.

For my first hunt, I’d like to track down a DESIGNATED CREATURE 446A. You probably know it from that one TV show. Can’t remember the name, but I’m sure you’ll know it. Anyway, if I can bag one of those, I’ll be able to make it to the big leagues! Just like my father, and my father’s father!

Anyone that’s interested, please come to DESIGNATED LOCATION LL-10! We can talk price once you’re there!

Filled under: creature hunters By: DESIGNATED REPRESENTATIVE 34L Posted on: January 7, 2019 Comments are disabled!

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